A schema is an extremely stable and enduring pattern that develops during childhood and is elaborated throughout an individual's life. We view the world through our schemas.
Schemas are important beliefs and feelings about oneself and the environment which the individual accepts without question. They are self perpetuating and are very resistant to change. For instance children who develop a schema that they are incompetent rarely challenge this belief, even as adults. The schema usually does not go away without therapy. Overwhelming success in people’s lives is often still not enough to change the schema. The schema fights for its own survival, and, usually, quite successfully. There are three schema processes: maintenance, avoidance, and compensation.
Even though schemas persist once they are formed, they are not always in our awareness. Usually they operate in subtle ways, out of our awareness. However, when a schema erupts or is triggered by events, our thoughts and feelings are dominated by these schemas. It is at these moments that people tend to experience extreme negative emotions and have dysfunctional thoughts.
In our work with many patients, we have found nineteen specific schemas. Most clients have at least two or three of these schemas, and often more. A brief description of each of these schemas is provided below.
Abandonment/Instability
“I just know some day I will be alone.”
This schema refers to the expectation that one will soon lose anyone with whom an emotional attachment is formed. The person believes that, one way or another, close relationships will end imminently (die or be abandoned in favor of someone else). As children, these clients may have experienced the divorce or death of parents. This schema can also arise when parents have been inconsistent in attending to the child's needs; for instance, there may have been frequent occasions on which the child was left alone or unattended to for extended periods.
Mistrust/Abuse
“I can’t trust anyone.”
This schema refers to the expectation that others will intentionally take advantage in some way. People with this schema expect others to hurt, cheat, or put them down. They often think in terms of attacking first or getting revenge afterwards. They may feel they are “getting the short end of the stick”. In childhood, these cli-ents were often abused or treated unfairly by parents, siblings, or peers.
Emotional Deprivation
“I can never find someone who truly loves me.”
This schema refers to the belief that one's primary emotional needs will never be met by others. These needs include nurturance, empathy, affection, protection, guidance and caring from others. Often parents were emotionally depriving to the child.
Defectiveness/Shame
“I'm not lovable.”
This schema refers to the belief that one is internally flawed, and that, if others get too close, they will realize this and withdraw from the relationship. This feeling of being flawed and inadequate often leads to a strong sense of shame. They may be hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, and blame. Generally parents were very critical of their children and made them feel as if they were not worthy of being loved.
Social Undesirability
“I'm embarrassed by the way I look.”
This schema refers to the belief that one is outwardly unattractive to others. People with this schema see themselves as physically unattractive, socially inept, or lacking in status. They are often self-conscious and feel insecure in public. Usually there is a direct link to childhood experiences in which children are made to feel, by family or peers, that they are not attractive.
Social Isolation/Alienation
“I don't fit in.”
This schema refers to the belief that one is isolated from the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any community. This belief is usually caused by early experiences in which children see that either they, or their families, are different from other people.
Functional Dependence/lncompetence
“I can’t handle things on my own.”
This schema refers to the belief that one is not capable of handling day-to-day responsibilities competently and independently. People with this schema often rely on others excessively for help in areas such as decision-making and initiating new tasks. Generally, parents did not encourage these children to act independently and develop confidence in their ability to take care of themselves.
Enmeshment
“I can’t survive without my parent(s) and they can’t survive without me.”
This schema refers to excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others (often parents), at the expense of full individuation or normal social development. Often involves the belief that at least one of the enmeshed individuals cannot survive or be happy without the constant support of the other. This may also include feelings of being smothered by, or fused with, others.
Undeveloped Self
“I don’t know who I am or where I am going.”
This schema refers to the sense that one has too little individual identity or inner direction. There is often a feeling of emptiness or of floundering. In extreme cases there is a questioning of one’s existence. This schema is often brought on by parents who are so controlling, abusive, or overprotective that the child is discour-aged from developing a separate sense of self.
Failure to Achieve
“I'm incompetent and basically a loser.”
This schema refers to the belief that one is incapable of performing as well as one's peers in areas such as career, school or sports. These clients may feel stupid, inept, untalented, or ignorant. People with this schema often do not try to achieve because they believe that they will fail. This schema may develop if children are put down and treated as if they are a failure in school and other spheres of accomplishment. Usually the parents did not give enough support, discipline, and encouragement for the child to persist and succeed in areas of achievement, such as schoolwork or sports.
Entitlement/Self-Centeredness
“I deserve to get what I want.”
This schema refers to the belief that you should be able to do, say, or have whatever you want immedi-ately regardless of whether that hurts others or seems reasonable to them. Often there is the belief of being superior to others and entitled to special rights. You are not interested in what other people need, nor are you aware of the long-term costs to you of alienating others. Parents who overindulge their children and who do not set limits about what is socially appropriate may foster the development of this schema. Alternatively, some children develop this schema to compensate for feelings of emotional deprivation, defectiveness, or social undesirability.
Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline
“I keep losing control of myself.”
This schema refers to the inability to tolerate any frustration in reaching one's goals, as well as an inability to restrain expression of one's impulses or feelings. When lack of self-control is extreme, criminal or addictive behavior rule your life. Parents who did not model self-control, or who did not adequately discipline their children, may predispose them to have this schema as adult.
Subjugation
“I keep giving in to what other people want.”
This schema refers to the belief that one must submit to the control of others in order to avoid negative consequences. Often these clients fear that, unless they submit, others will get angry or reject them. Clients who subjugate ignore their own desires and feelings. In childhood there was generally a very controlling parent.
Self-Sacrifice
“I have to take care of others first.”
This schema refers to the excessive sacrifice of one's own needs in order to help others. When these clients pay attention to their own needs, they often feel guilty. To avoid this guilt, they put others' needs ahead of their own. Often clients who self-sacrifice gains a feeling of increased self-esteem or a sense of meaning from helping others. In childhood the person may have been made to feel overly responsible for the well-being of one or both parents.
Approval-Seeking/Recognition Seeking
“I can’t stand it if people don’t approve of me.”
This schema refers to the excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, or attention from other people, or fitting in, at the expense of developing a secure and true sense of self. One's sense of esteem is dependent primarily on the reactions of others rather than on one's own natural inclinations. Sometimes includes an overemphasis on status, appearance, social acceptance, money, or achievement as means of gaining approval, admiration, or attention (not primarily for power or control). Frequently results in major life decisions that are inauthentic or unsatisfying; or in hypersensitivity to rejection.
Negativity/Vulnerability to Harm and Illness
“Things never go right in my life.”
This schema refers to a pervasive, lifelong focus on the negative aspects of life (pain, death, loss, disappointment, conflict, guilt, resentment, unsolved problems, potential mistakes, betrayal, things that could go wrong, etc.) while minimizing or neglecting the positive or optimistic aspects OR an exaggerated expectation-- in a wide range of work, financial, or interpersonal situations that are typically viewed as "controllable"-- that things will go seriously wrong, or that aspects of one's life that seem to be going well will fall apart at any time. Usually involves an inordinate fear of making mistakes that might lead to: financial collapse, loss, humiliation, being trapped in a bad situation, or loss of control. Because potential negative outcomes are exaggerated, these clients are frequently characterized by chronic worry, vigilance, pessimism, complaining, or indecision.
Emotional Inhibition/Overcontrol
“I have to hold my feelings in.”
This schema refers to the belief that you must inhibit emotions and impulses, especially anger, because any expression of feelings would harm others or lead to loss of self-esteem, embarrassment, retaliation or abandonment. You are fearful of making mistakes, being disapproved of, or losing control over your impulses. You may lack spontaneity, or be viewed as uptight. This schema is often brought on by parents who discourage the expression of feelings.
Unrelenting Standards/Hypercriticalness
“Whatever I do isn't good enough.”
This schema refers to the belief that one must strive to meet very high-internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. This typically results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down; and in hypercriticalness toward oneself and others. Unrelenting standards typically present as: (a) perfectionism, inordinate attention to detail, or an underestimate of how good one's own performance is relative to the norm; (b) rigid rules and “shoulds” in many areas of life, including unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, or religious precepts; or (c) preoccupation with time and efficiency, so that more can be accomplished. Usually these clients' parents were never satisfied and gave their children love that was conditional on outstand-ing achievement.
Punitiveness
“I deserve to be punished.” or “Others deserve to be punished.”
This schema refers to the belief that people should be harshly punished for making mistakes. It involves the tendency to be angry, intolerant, punitive, and impatient with those people (including oneself) who do not meet one's expectations or standards. Usually includes difficulty forgiving mistakes in oneself or others, because of a reluctance to consider extenuating circumstances, allow for human imperfection, or empathize with feelings.
More on this subject can be found in the book:
Reinventing Your Life: by Jeffrey Young, PhD and Janet Klosko, PhD, 1994 |
